party monster

hello! i am drunk! you know when you throw a party and things just click into place? it is the kindest best feeling. in my fashion class today, we were talking about the purposes of style and i realized mine is to make my body feel like a home. my room is so interchangable with my body to me and when both are decorated to feel extravagant and beautiful everything feels Right.

there's a lot of stuff in my not-here life that does not feel Right right now, so it is very very good to have this place be a constant. i'm trying to get better at talking about it, while at the same time trying to be less public online; a strange balance.

sidenote: if you don't fuck your friends i don't trust you. this is one of the things lesbians and trans people are best at.

when i was younger, i used to try to make parties that felt like the rookie mag shoots i loved. they were quaint and charming; we were sober the whole time. this fall, my best friend grace and i had a 21st birthday party themed after rookie. it was stylized and insane and wonderful.

i look back at that kid and i feel so much compassion for her; she just wanted things to HAPPEN already. that was never going to be possible in suburban washington, i've learned. every year, i grow further apart from the people i grew up with; every year i am more myself.

just as not all stylized parties are good, the best parties are un-stylized, like tonight. it is nice to be back in a place where the spur of the moment feels so full of possibilities.

unlike kaitlin, i made no promise to link these to the internet. still, i will.
here is a photo of all my friends in my room, but not their faces.

here is tavi's forever editor letter, a missive from another lifetime. 

here is this feeling in a song.

goodnight. kiss your friends heads and tell them about your old crushes on them.