how to leave your home

1. get the boxes out of your closet
2. take the posters down one by one
3. pull off the wall paint trying to get putty off
4. throw clothes in your suitcases indiscriminately
5. give up for the day, start drinking
6. find your best friend and walk in circles with her
1. go to the end of the world and take silly self timer photos
2. smoke a joint with the boy who has had crushes on both of you
3. sit on the dining hall porch blatantly drinking at 4pm
4. go into her house for the first and last time in 2020
5. sit at the edge of campus and reminisce about your ex boyfriend doing xanax there years ago
6. find your friends who are spiraling and take them to dinner
7. go live on instagram
7. go home and pack another suitcase
8. try not to think too much
9. put on your suit
10. draw on your mustache
11. try hard to believe this won't be the last time you'll get to do this
12. get even more drunk with your best friends
13. play a murder mystery game
14. paint stars on your face
15. put on your favorite jumpsuit
16. sit with your friend while she pukes
17. talk to her about her relationship and how you love her and how scared you all are
18. walk across campus
19. smoke weed in the art building
20. scream in the auditorium
21. arrive at a house in the woods
22. jump so hard you worry the floor will break
23. pass around a bottle of poppers
24. find out the people you've been in awe of were in fact in awe of you
25. do laps and laps and laps
26. scream along to young wild and free like it's 2012 again
27. sit with your best friend for a while
28. share a time that is private and real
29. enter a hall of mirrors
30. dance on the springboard floor to super rich kids on the piano
31. lie on the floor and feel very small
32. smoke a joint with your best friends in your living room
33. pass out
34. eat brunch
35. put books and sheets in boxes
36. write a long blog post that can't come close to capturing the past 24 hours
37. close the boxes

i love you all very much.